When I was younger, I used to get annoyed at things my mum did because I didn’t understand her reasons for it. I used to say that when I’m older, I won’t do things like that. Isn’t it weird how you end up then doing those exact things? I don’t mean life changing things. For example, cleanliness. Mum used to shout till she was blue in the face, as my room was ALWAYS messy. I liked it that way, I knew where everything was. My room was quite big when I lived with my parents, so I enjoyed making it more cosy. Now that I have moved out, married AND have a child, I am completely the opposite. I can’t stand it. It makes me sick to see so much mess. I’m not too fussed about E, because she’s only 16 months. She is still a child, she will make a mess. It’s the husband I am more annoyed about, because he is so messy. He doesn’t clean up after himself, so there is always food left out, plates never washed, nothing is ever cleaned. The hob is greasy and stained after he cooks, the bathroom is AWFUL. The worst room has to be our bedroom though. I can’t even go into it sometimes, just I just feel so sick and anxious.
I don’t know if I am developing some form of OCD here. No matter how much I clean, it just seems to get messy again straight away. Sometimes I feel like a maid, just constantly cleaning and tidying up. Is this what Mum felt like? Every time I build the courage to tackle an area and clean it, I feel better. For me, that means some home improvements. Our carpet in the bedroom needs to be changed. Once we do that, it will instantly look better. My husband however, thinks I am just wasting money and that I have nothing better to do.
Even whilst writing this post, I feel so anxious about it. How do I stop feeling like that!?
Until next time!