Nowadays, having anxiety is like a having a common cold. Everyone has it and everyone uses it to fall back. I had anxiety before I even knew what it was. I would have huge panic attacks and not even understand why or how. My brain just would not switch off. Sometimes I couldn’t even sleep because I was so worried about nothing. I couldn’t even enjoy my wedding day, because I genuinely thought I was going to die. Why? No idea.
As I got older and found more stability in my life, I started to find that the panic attacks started to diminish. Now that anxiety is such a big deal, I could sit back and say yeah, I had that, but I’m better now.
That is, until recently. It is back and with a vengeance. My brain will not switch off. I can’t stop thinking, I can’t stop planning, I cannot stop worrying. I’ve had more panic attacks in one week than I’ve had in the last 4 years. What do I do now?
Blogging is a way to express yourself and get any thoughts out but even as I am typing away, this doesn’t make sense. I stress about work. I stress about my marriage, my home, my child, my family, my cats, my health, it doesn’t stop.
I don’t know how to switch it off. Since I was younger, I’ve been afraid of getting water over my face. I can’t swim, I don’t face the water in the shower and it’s all because I do fear drowning. Whilst I’m not in water right now, I honestly cannot think of a better way to describe how I feel right now. I can’t switch my thoughts off and I’m drowning.