Moments…. |RAMBLINGS

Isn’t it strange how you build your life, build a routine, settle into your everyday and then suddenly something happens to ping you straight back to certain moment. It’s more than v a  just the moment though. It’s more about the feelings and emotions that are attached to that moment. 

This all sounds cryptic but it’s not meant to be. I was just going about my life when suddenly I just remembered a certain point in my life. I remembered how it made me feel and sadly how much I genuinely missed that part of my life. There is no one that makes me feel that way and leaves such an ache in my heart. 

Everything happens for a reason, I am a strong believer in that but every one must have days like this right? Anyway, I was just having one of those moments and felt like I had to write it all out! 

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My Thoughts: Podcast with Alfie Deyes and True Geordie

This time around, I made a promise to myself that I would only blog when I am inspired or passionate about something. Since watching the podcast where True Geordie interviews Alfie Deyes aka Pointless Blog, I have had a lot of thoughts running through my head and I wanted to share them.

I had never heard of True Geordie before watching the video podcast so I can’t tell you anything about him other than the fact that he interviews a lot of YouTubers and has said many hateful comments about Alfie in particular. It was almost a 3 hour podcast and even though I do love all things Alfie, I am actually quite surprised that I watched it all! They mainly spoke about him, his life, how and why people dislike him and his opinions on taboo subjects regarding certain YouTubers etc.

I felt a variety of emotions through those 3 hours. Firstly, I felt quite defensive. A lot of people don’t like Alfie, and that’s fine. His content is not everyone’s cup of tea, but how can you dislike somebody without even knowing him? Alfie’s fans or followers feel like they do know him because they have watched him for x amount of years. That is what makes him and other daily vloggers different from your average celebrity. I sometimes stop and think, how can I – and I am nearly 28 years old – enjoy watching a 24 year old man just living out his life, on YouTube. It does sound a little odd! However, it’s not even the content I enjoy. It’s Alfie, his personality and how he treats other people that draws me in. I have been watching for almost 4 years and I’ve gone back to watch every single video he has posted on YouTube. I’ve been watching him for so long, that what seems like a 2 minute clip on him shopping in Waitrose is more than just that for me. For me, that small clip is about him making more healthy choices with his food and cooking more.

Within the podcast, they talked about child exploitation and more quality content. They kept pushing and digging at Alfie, that surely, with 11 million subscribers across all his channels, he should be making more quality content. He should be travelling across the world and making arty footage, rather than chilling on the sofa at home or going into town. It sounds all well and good but I don’t want to watch that! If I wanted to watch arty footage, I would watch The Michelaks (whom I do love). I watch Alfie, because I want to watch what he has been up to in the day and what he’s been up to with Zoe. Actually, a huge part of watching Alfie has been to do with his girlfriend Zoe aka Zoella. I think she is amazing and she doesn’t vlog as much, so it’s always good to see her in the vlogs.

The  other point was child exploitation. He doesn’t have any children yet but True Geordie name dropped the SacconeJoly’s and said how sick it made him that they exploited their children for views. I then started reading the comments on the video – which seriously annoys me, by the way! I don’t know why I read them – and so many people were slagging off the SacconeJoly’s. If you don’t know who they are, they are an Irish family. Married couple Jonathan and Anna, their 3 children and 5 dogs! They film vlogs every single day, around 15 minutes long. I also love them. I COMPLETELY disagree with the fact that they exploit children! They are loving parents and their vlogs started WAY before they had kids! Jonathan is a very creative man and loves to film arty footage and tell a story. Anna is so down to earth and their kids are honestly so kind and caring. The only way children can have traits like that, is if there parents teach them.

I have to be honest, I have learnt so much about parenting from this family. I am sure they have bad days, but I love how they discipline their children. I love how they spend so much time with them. Yes, they do earn a lot of money, but that money is then used on the kids. If I could do that for my daughter, I 100% would.

Anyway, I clearly feel quite passionate about this particular subject and people should speak out about it. Let these talented people vlog, so we can live vicariously through them! What Alfie does is actually quite achievable and he shows that if you put your heart and head into something, you can do it!

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Perks of being a parent.. the bright side 

10. Losing sleep. Never have I realised how important sleep actually is, until I had a baby. I feel like I’ve forgotten how a good night’s sleep is and don’t even get me started on a lay in on the weekend. What is a lay in?? However, the smile on my daughters face when I come to rescue her from her cot prison is priceless and maybe… just maybe worth losing sleep for.

9. No privacy. I can’t go to the bathroom for a shower or a poo. I can’t sit at my dressing table alone. I cant change my clothes without her staring at me. She follows me everywhere!! On the bright side it’s refreshing to see how curious she is. It means she is trying to learn things and work out her boundaries.  Plus, life can be a little lonely sometimes so it’s nice to have company.

8. Sharing food. I can’t remember the last time I had a plate of food to myself. E will scavenge and take anything she fancies and I end up having barely any food left to eat myself. There is a perk in this, being someone who never finishes their meal! With E around, I can eat what I want and give her half of it aswell. This means no food is wasted and we are both happy!

7. No attention. Everyone wants to know how the baby is doing. Everyone asks about her and she dominates the entire conversation.  Don’t mind me, sitting here with a stiffly nose and a sore face from an oncoming cold… just ask about my child! It is great though to fly under the radar and for a socially awkward person like myself, having an easy topic to talk about makes the conversation easier. Confession time – I LOVE taking E to parties and social gatherings. 

6. Your name. This is a weird one but I barely get called by my name now.  I’m just mum. I feel like I’ve lost my identity a little. On the bright side, I adore being a mother and when E calls  me Mama, my heart just melts.

5. Cartoons. I now know every Mickey mouse episode and Peppa Pig episode by heart now. It is on repeat in my house. However I actually love watching Cartoons so now I have an excuse to actually watch it.

4.Problem Solver. That is my main job now. I have to work out what she wants, why she wants it and why she doesn’t want it anymore. My head is spinning at the end of it. On the bright side it’s keeps my brain active and we learn more about each other.

3. Limitations. There are certain things I can’t watch around her and also certain things I can’t say. I feel like I am constantly on watershed! However, this helps me more than  anyone. The less I swear, the better I feel about myself! 

2. Child friendly. When you have kids you start to see the world differently. I don’t walk on the road like normal- I look for dropped kerb with the pushchair. I can’t eat out unless there is a highchair and crayons to keep E busy. I can’t stay out late in the evening as she gets overtired. On the bright side though, it makes me appreciate life more!

1.Time. Time is just flying by. She’s 2 now and before I know it, she will be 10. If I turn around and blink, I’ve missed something! Enjoy it will it lasts…Kids don’t stay kids for long…..

Stressed Out.. | RAMBLINGS

When I started this blog, it was mostly about life with a baby. Over time, it became more about reviews and opinions, but that’s okay. Sometimes, I just want to vent though. My daughter is 20 months old now. I keep thinking 21 for some reason, but her birthday is in October, so 20 months is correct! She has always been very independent and normally a really fuss-free, happy child. Every one always said I was lucky, as she ate EVERY thing I gave her, slept through the night, didn’t cause me any issues and was just generally a lovable baby. If anything, she was a bit cold – she didn’t like hugging or anything like that.

Now that she is nearly 2, I am going through a nightmare. I know that this is meant to happen, but I am just shocked at how different she is. I am having so many issues with eating. I make all the same meals and she picks at it. She used to love vegetables and now she won’t even glance at them. Some days she is fine, but most days, I have a daily battle with food. Her sleeping pattern has also changed. She does still sleep through the night, but she doesn’t always nap. That might sound okay to you, but nap time is my RELAXING time! It’s the only time in the day that I get a few hours to myself to just do nothing. Well, let’s be honest, I use the time to do housework and other chores, but still. I’m just me again.

If that wasn’t enough, the biggest change has been her personality. She is a bright little funny girl and I love her, but she has become super clingy. If I am not in her line of vision, she starts whimpering. She moans all the time and whines. For no reason. I love the hugs and the kisses but sometimes I just want to sit on my own. I don’t understand why she only does this to me though and not her dad, or the rest of the family? I also know this sounds like I am complaining, but I am just trying to get my head around it.

I know the days will go by fast and soon she won’t want a hug, or she will start to choose what she wants to do. I just am overwhelmed by it all and she isn’t even 2 yet. For all those with young children, how long do I have to wait before I can have a long shower again? Or have my meal to myself? Go the toilet in peace without an audience? Lie in?

 

Growing Up… and cleaning! | RAMBLINGS

When I was younger, I used to get annoyed at things my mum did because I didn’t understand her reasons for it. I used to say that when I’m older, I won’t do things like that. Isn’t it weird how you end up then doing those exact things? I don’t mean life changing things. For example, cleanliness. Mum used to shout till she was blue in the face, as my room was ALWAYS messy. I liked it that way, I knew where everything was. My room was quite big when I lived with my parents, so I enjoyed making it more cosy. Now that I have moved out, married AND have a child, I am completely the opposite. I can’t stand it. It makes me sick to see so much mess. I’m not too fussed about E, because she’s only 16 months. She is still a child, she will make a mess. It’s the husband I am more annoyed about, because he is so messy. He doesn’t clean up after himself, so there is always food left out, plates never washed, nothing is ever cleaned. The hob is greasy and stained after he cooks,  the bathroom is AWFUL. The worst room has to be our bedroom though. I can’t even go into it sometimes, just I just feel so sick and anxious.

I don’t know if I am developing some form of OCD here. No matter how much I clean, it just seems to get messy again straight away. Sometimes I feel like a maid, just constantly cleaning and tidying up. Is this what Mum felt like? Every time I build the courage to tackle an area and clean it, I feel better. For me, that means some home improvements. Our carpet in the bedroom needs to be changed. Once we do that, it will instantly look better. My husband however, thinks I am just wasting money and that I have nothing better to do.

Even whilst writing this post, I feel so anxious about it. How do I stop feeling like that!?

Until next time!

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Fear… | RAMBLINGS

When you first find out you are pregnant, all you feel is excitement. Nauseas, hungry, tired but completely excited. I don’t know about other people but for the entire 9 months, I barely though about what would happen once my baby was born. For the first time in my life, I was taking things 1 day at a time. Don’t get me wrong, I thought about the big milestones and who she would look like, but I didn’t think of details.

The day I went into labour, was the first day I was officially struck with Fear. It’s quite an overwhelming emotion if you don’t control it. I was scared for her life – she had a pretty rough start. During labour, E got stuck and couldn’t get into the right position to come out. She starting stressing and her heartbeat starting dropping. By the time the doctors performed an emergency C-Section, she wasn’t breathing. I didn’t know whether she was going to survive or not. We were moved to Norwich hospital, 3 hours away from home, where we stayed for 1 month. I felt nothing but Fear.

By God’s will she made it through with no brain damage. I thought the worst was over but that’s the thing. It had only just begun! For every happy moment, there was Fear attached. First it was making sure she didn’t choke on her milk, suffocate in her blankets, fall off the bed or worse, drop her! There were so many things that I was afraid of and honestly, it hasn’t stopped.

This is the way it’s meant to be, I think. As a parent, you are always scared for your children. You want them to be safe, you want them to have a happy long life and live longer than you! Maybe the overall fear is that you might not get to see them live that long life, because your life could be shorter.

Fear is a dangerous emotion. You have to be careful how you embrace it.

Until next time!

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Wrapping Christmas Gifts! | RAMBLINGS

The idea behind this blog post was to show you some of the gifts that I had wrapped for Christmas, but I soon forgot about it and ended up wrapping all the gifts already! I’m still going to blog though, because gift wrapping is both relaxing AND stressful!

I love wrapping gifts. I love to work out how much paper to cut, making sure it all lines up and adding decorations to it. The one thing that I still do is add so much sello tape, that it doesn’t look that great up close, but far away it doesn’t look half bad!

A lot of people like to use brown paper and then decorate it so nicely but I prefer traditional wrapping paper. I love brightly coloured paper and during Christmas time, I always get the cheesy stuff! This year I experimented more with bows, ribbons and tags.

Here is my top 10 list of things that have stressed me out whilst wrapping!

  1. Oddly shaped presents. Seriously, how can you wrap something that doesn’t have straight lines!
  2. Not being able to find the end of the tape. So. Annoying.
  3. Only having two hands. There is nothing more annoying that wrapping the gift, holding it down and then finding you don’t have a spare finger to pick up the tape to stick it all together!
  4. Inside out ribbon. How do people wrap ribbon around a present and keep it the right side up!
  5. Wasting paper. I hate wasting paper and I get annoyed when I can’t make something fit within the paper.
  6. Running out of paper! The idea was to wrap all my family’s gifts in green wrapping paper and friends in red. I ran out of green PRETTY QUICKLY.
  7. Sticking tape to the wrong place. I hate it when i am just about to stick the tape to the paper, it’s in place and then oh no! It’s only gone and stuck itself down in the MIDDLE of the parcel. Bloody hell!
  8. Losing the tape or pen when you need it the most. I hate this! I know I’ve seen the tape, it was there a minute ago! I’ve tipped everything inside out to try and find it and I can’t! Oh, there it is. All the way across the room.
  9. Pins and needles. I sit on my knees or cross legged when I wrap, so that awful feeling when you stand up and you cannot walk because your feet have gone to sleep!
  10. It’s all going to be ripped apart anyway. Once all the hard work is done, you feel proud for a minute and then realise that no matter how neat or tidy you wrap everything, it’s only going to be ripped apart anyway.

Until next time!

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Socially Awkward… | RAMBLINGS

I never thought that I would be the odd one out in the room. When I was younger, I was actually quite popular without trying. I always felt like I belonged in a certain group. Somewhere along the line though, things changed.

I was at my work’s  team (early!) Christmas meal. We have a lot of different types of people in the team. The popular men and women who all meet up together outside of work, go clubbing and drinking together. Then there are the more quieter crowd.

As I was sitting at the table, watching everyone talk to each other, I realised I had pretty much been quiet the whole night. I felt awkward whenever someone did speak to me and you could tell that the conversation always ended on an awkward note!

It was only then that I realised that somewhere along the way I became socially awkward. I’m now the person that you will only sit next to if there is no one else available. I get asked to take all the group photos.

It doesn’t matter so much when I’m at home, with the husband and E. Even with my own family or my husbands family, I feel at ease. Maybe I’m just older now and priorities have changed!

Until next time………….

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The problem with Netflix….. | RAMBLINGS

With a little baby it’s not often that we get time to ourselves. Well, when E was very young, she did sleep a lot so we did actually have some time. Now she is 13 months old and awake a lot more than she sleeps! So we took her swimming and then went to a birthday party. By the time we got home, she had fallen asleep and we found ourselves with a few hours spare!

unnamedThe hubsy wanted to watch something on Netflix, which we never normally have time to do. “Pick whatever you want” he said. The issue with Netflix is that it’s such a tunnel, that drags you further and further into it, until you are so stressed out, you either pick the next thing on the screen or switch the TV off.

After literally 20 minutes of trying to find something that..

  1. We both hadn’t watched
  2. Looked remotely interesting
  3. Wasn’t an animated film (his request) or rude (my request)

.. I finally settled on Vampire Academy. It sounded familiar and I do love films like that so on it went!

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It was quite a strange movie. I have decided that I did like it, but it was quite odd. The plot was simple but not fully predictable. Rose is a guardian and protector of Lissa, a royal Vampire (who doesn’t like to be called a vampire) They ran away from the academy (for reasons we don’t know about until the end of the movie) but are back and dealing with a whole lot of trouble at school. It’s basically bullying at school and death threats.

It was ridiculously fast paced but I thought the acting was good. I didn’t see any familiar faces apart from the female lead *checks google* OOH, she IS familiar! She was in Beautiful Creatures (awful movie) and TV shows Switched at Birth and The Suite Life on Deck.

Also, Vampire Academy is a book series, so I have to go and get those now!

Until next time!

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You’ve got mail… | RAMBLINGS

I got a message in my inbox at work to say my mailbox was almost full and that I needed to clear some space. I decided to delete the oldest emails I had, since that seemed like the best option. Odly enough, I came across some of the first emails that my husband sent me. We actually used to work together (that is how we met!)

It was quite weird to read them. He seemed like a completely different person. We’ve only been married for 2 years and worked together for another 3 but he doesn’t really speak like that to me anymore. Just little things like “you’re looking beautiful today.” When I read that email, a little smile just crept on my face and it got me thinking of how it used to be.

Our first argument was about my wedding dress. He wanted me to wear white and I didnt. ( I did in the end!) Before that, we never argued or even raised our voices at each other. These days, when we argue, we can go days without speaking to each other.

How come some couples have it easier than others? Or do they? The grass always does seem greener on the other side. My husband is my best friend, I tell him everything. Sometimes though I get annoyed because we’ve been together this long and he still doesn’t understand simple things about me.

I don’t know. This was just a bit of a rant. Stupid work inbox! Making me take a trip down memory lane.